Monday, February 11, 2008

Chipotle Peppers, Love & Nose Laughing

I just sat down to type and I'm agitated to the point of distraction by my fingers. The tips of them feel like they are on fire, like they are burnt. I couldn't figure out what the problem was and then remembered dipping my fingers into the chipotle chili peppers while preparing dinner. Ow. Martha Stewart would have worn rubber gloves. No, I take that back. She would have had her assistant wear rubber gloves. Well, my assistant is the cat and she isn't that in to helping with dinner preparations. I think she's taking a nap upstairs. Her performance review is coming up soon and we'll have to address some of these gaps in her work ethic.
Single people tend to despise Valentine's Day. I find this irritating. It's like they think the only kind of love that could possibly be worthy of celebration is romantic love. Since they don't have that, they're gonna mope and bitch and act like they have no love at all in their lives. The biggest pity party ever. (I just typed, and then deleted, the exclamation "Phooey", but that seems too...too...just too.) Okay, I realize all the marketing for the holiday is aimed at "lovers", not just dumb old boring generic love. I mean, everyone knows the only real kind of love is between two heterosexual people who are in a long term, committed, physical relationship, right? The kind of love that deserves bad grocery store roses, Whitman's Chocolates, fantasies of 3 carat engagement rings and sexy lingerie (black or red). That's real love, right? Thank Imaginary-God-Type-Thingy that Valentine's Day reminds us of that every year. I guess I see why single people hate this holiday.

I am a person who can't seem to stop seeking answers. My main questions: What's the point? What's the meaning of life? What matters? Why the hell are we all here, stuck as human beings with the ability to ask these questions? The only answer I keep coming back to: Love.

Love is the undefinable feeling that makes humans believe we have souls. If the middle of my chest can feel so full and ecstatic or so broken and lost, that must be my soul responding to yours. Right? I'm not so sure. Chemical and electrical reactions are powerful things. Look at nuclear energy. That's pretty powerful and you wouldn't call that love, would you? Even if I don't believe in souls, even if it's all just chemicals and electrical impulses, love still gives some kind of meaning to my life.

Love is obviously more than just a "romantic", Valentine's Day emotion. For me, love is made up of intimate moments shared with others. The kind of moments that make you feel lit up inside, that make your heart beat a little faster, that make you feel vulnerable but excited, moments when you connect with someone, times when you offer or receive compassion. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it is fleeting. When my friends have been outdoors all day, arrive at my house tired, ready for dinner and I feed them steaming bowls of healthy food, I feel love. When I talk to my Mom late into the night about what makes life worth living, that is love. When the cat sits with me, looks up into my face, meows and pushes her head repeatedly against my hand, I feel love. Every single friend I have contributes at least once in a while to my feelings of loving and being loved. When I open up to them, allow myself to be vulnerable and they honor that with respect and understanding I feel love. Those are the only kind of friendships I want.

I can give you a million examples of how I feel love but I don't believe that the emotion can be successfully defined. What does love mean to you?

Despite what Hallmark wants us to believe, love is not just for lovers.

Post Secret Valentine's Day
(check this link out before Sunday Feb. 17th for relevant Valentine's day stuff)
Laughing by exhaling sharply through the nose is funny. I think most of us do it quite often for lots of different reasons. It's a non-committal laugh, an ambiguous response, agreement without words, brushing something off. You have to deploy it carefully though. If you've got any nasal congestion it can result in loose boogers or snot leaving one or both nostril(s) and landing who-knows-where. That can be embarrassing. Be careful out there!

1 comment:

  1. Wow, those Post Secret valentine's day cards are brutal and compelling.

    The first one is especially good...but the one looking out the car window "i wish you still loved me the way you did when we drove down this road..." really hits me hard, too.

    They'll be in my mind for a long time (some of them for a lifetime, I think). Thanks for sharing...