My sabbatical, retirement, vacation, whatever you want to call it has run through three months and is now into the fourth. I am not yet tired of this and still have many items on my list of things to do. This lifestyle does not agree with my bank account, as you can imagine. It is very, very tired of me over exercising the withdraw feature and ignoring the deposit feature. In the past week I've become increasingly anxious over my future employment and how much savings I'm wasting. I have a serious addiction problem that seems to be demanding all my financial resources. "Hello my name is Jennifer and I am addicted to driving." And since I don't know of any 12-step programs dedicated to excessive amounts of driving and since I wouldn't be willing to abstain from my addictive behavior I am forced to reconsider my lack of funding sources. This involves a job. Soon.
Have I mentioned yet that there is an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor just around the corner from me who has been looking for a part time audiologist for over a year? He used to send patients 45 minutes down to Brattleboro for me to test them when I worked at Austine. I have no qualifications for any other work besides Audiology(okay...I did work at a CVS in high school and college, so I guess that could qualify me for like, Rite Aid). Unfortunately, I don't want to be an audiologist. That's why I left Austine. But I need to support my driving habits and my long distance frienships and so what is the most logical path to that end? Calling the ENT Doc and talking to him about the position. Do I want to do it? No. Does it make me sad to give in so easily already? Yes. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes. Will I take the job if he's interested in hiring me? Probably. Will I hate it in 2 months? Probably. Will anything else pay me the same wage for only part time work? Nothing legal, anyway. And besides the only thing I keep thinking I'd like to do is work in a greenhouse or on a large organic farm and I've sort of missed the season for that at this point. Besides, that "career" path sure isn't going to funancially (ha! that's a great typo. I meant to type financially) support much addictive behavior. And who knows if I'd even like that kind of work anyway? Maybe it's better to just imagine I would.
The class I signed up for--River and Stream Ecology is another source of anxiety for me right now. It starts on Thursday morning. If I drop the class before tomorrow I will get a 100% refund minus the $50 registration fee. The class costs about $600. I thought I'd be able to see past the cost of such a frivolous educational diversion. But that's a lot of money for something that is not a means to an end. Quitting before I even start.
I'll tell you what, today has been the worst day I've had since before I decided to leave Audiology. I feel so defeated and disappointed in myself. And it's my own mind and my over-riding need for greater financial security that's beating me down and I'm not even putting up a fight other than some pathetic tears and mopey attitude.
Still, there are some bright spots. My car needs $320 of work to fix faulty wiring to the alternator and there's a great, gaping hole in the ceiling of our downstairs bathroom that needs some attention and I got my credit card bill today with enough gas purchases on it to personally pay for the CEO of Exxon's next tropical vacation.
Who wants to join Drive-aholics Anonymous with me? I know you're out there, and I know where you live. I've driven there! I'll stage an intervention if I have to!