Monday, February 28, 2011

Port-a-Potty Fiction - Part 6

Reggie Custos and I struck a pretty straightforward deal. He'd approve my access to the Teleport-a-Potty system if I'd keep my mouth shut about it.  He deleted the Gotta Pee Map App from my phone and found the original source on the internet. He'd be dealing with that end of things immediately, he told me. Mr. Custos also made me sign a form declaring that I would expunge the application software from all other personal electronic devices or risk losing my rights and privileges to free use of the system. On condition that I read Personal Safety and Responsibility during Transport-a-Potty Travel cover-to-cover and complete the Self-Test in the back, Reggie provided me with the Bainvoige proprietary TP Ware (short for Teleport-a-Potty Software) and my own passcode for access.  I also promised not to transport via potty until I'd been through the tutorial.  Mr. Custos said the risks were too great that I'd end up at inappropriate or challenging locations this early in my travel career. I looked longingly at the plastic door of the port-a-john as I walked to my car. It seemed such a shame not to just teleport to the end of my street like I'd done earlier that day.

When I arrived home, I grabbed a bag of potato chips, a beer from the fridge and scooped the safety manual off the floor.  I flopped sideways into my over-stuffed chair and swung my legs over the arm.  A shiny but slightly yellowed rectangular pamphlet slipped from the safety booklet and landed on the floor. I started to feel a little nervous about the technology that had de- and re-materialized me when I saw this photo staring at me from the cover:

What else could I do? I ripped open the bag of chips with my teeth, drank a big slug of cold beer and dove into the pamphlet for some learnin'.

Teletrip TL-1440 Personal Teletransporter Owner's Manual. (click me, Dear Reader...)

Special thanks to Joey, the first ever Cozy Toes guest-contributor,
for creating and sharing the TL-1440 technical document. 
And to Chip for building weird electrical things.


  1. I'm totally addicted to this story.Totally. And, I now need a beer.

  2. plan is working. :-)